Having my Dale Earnhardt Sr. moment.

Just as Earnhardt was so close to winning the Daytona 500 with only 3 laps to go before hitting a wall, I too have hit a wall. I’m in my last class for my Master’s and can’t get past this writer’s block.

I’m doing my paper on the connection of PTSD and Veteran suicide.  I have my usual writing supplies, a venti cool lime refresher from Starbucks and Ottmar Liebert’s “Waiting 4 the Stars 2 Fall” playing on continuous loop.  Ottmar Liebert is my go to guy for paper writing.  When I was younger, my dad bought his CD after hearing him on the Weather Channel.  How funny is that, getting music from the Weather Channel.

This song is beautiful.  What’s more awesome is how much is sounds like “Camilla” from Art of Noise.  I don’t know if it was supposed to be similar but I like it.

Well, I guess i’ll suck it up and just start typing some on this paper.

11/9/14

First things first…Cutler is a fkn idiot and needs to go. The Bears shouldn’t be this bad with all the good players on this team.

For some reason i think about death.  I mean, not really how I’ll die, but my funeral.  I guess it’s just planning ahead.  I’ve told my wife that I want to be cremated, with part of my ashes spread in alamogordo and the other part kept for her.  Of course though, she wasn’t going for it.  I then told her to have my ashes added to some tattoo ink and get a small tattoo in remembrance of me. Nope.  So then I said fk it, donate my body to the Body Farm.  The problem with that though is that is, it’s expensive to ship my ass from here to Tennessee.  I don’t really want a casket. I don’t see the point of paying all that money just to look good before you rot.  I’m going to get a military funeral since I’m a veteran and of course my wife will get the flag, but after that, just throw my body to the wolves.

The funny thing is, even though I don’t want an actual funeral, I do want music played.  I already have songs picked out.  1) I’ll fly with you by Gigi D’agostino 2)Broken Wings by Mister Mister 3) Father Figure by George Michael 4) My Way by Frank Sinatra 5)Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and 6) My Immortal by Evanescence 7)Slippin by DMX 8) Celebration by Cool and the Gang.  I know you’re probably thinking ..why?  Each one of these songs has a special meaning to me which i won’t get into right now.

I know it’s crazy, but I also told my wife that if I do have to have a true funeral, I want my tattoos cut off and put in a case with formaldehyde to be put on display.  Again, like the songs, each tattoo tells a story.  Now, you and I both know that my wife wouldn’t do that, but I still think that would be pretty cool.  Plus, I spent a lot of money on them, why not show them off in frames?

Did i mention how much Cutler sucks balls.

Veterans Day is coming up and I think that all veterans should get a mandatory paid day off on that day.  When I say veteran, I’m not talking about all military men or women.  Only those that have been TDY or who are out of the service.  If you’re in the military and haven’t left the states, then really you’re not a veteran of anything.  I know some won’t agree with that but hey..whatever.

6/30/2014

Last Friday I had an interview at the Rock Island Arsenal for a security position. Being that I was Security Forces in the military I figured I would not have a problem landing it.  They only had 10 positions available with 32 people showing up.  I got there about 0840 for the 0900 interview that lasted about 15 minutes.  They then made myself and 21 others wait until 230 just to tell us that we didn’t make the cut.  I wan’t mad, just disappointed.  I mean, there were a lot of qualified veterans, some medically retired. Friday night though I received a call for an interview today for a residential counselor position.  I’m pretty excited and thought well maybe me not getting that job at the arsenal was a good thing.  The pay is not very good but it is a foot in the door in the counseling world.  I would eventually like to end up counseling at the VA. 

My wifey and I are going to Puerto Villarta in Aug, should be fun. Here is the kicker though…I have wanted to go back to Texas since I first left in 2003.  I’ve gone so far as telling wifey that if we were to get divorced, I’d hope on the first greyhound back.  Well wouldn’t you know, our flight home first has a stop in Dallas.  That sucks.  Im trying to convince the airline to change our return date back to the shithole Midwest by at least 4 days.  I have friends in Tex that I want to see.  It will probably be a no go though.  Just my luck.  

Currently, I’m trying to order my book for class.  I ordered it through amazon and they send me 2nd edition instead of 5th edition.  Collage books are a joke.  Especially now that they are moving toward electronic books.  Example, I have to pay on average $65 to rent an electric book.  This gives me access to this for 180 days.  There is no way in hell that anyone should have to pay that just to rent a licensing fee.