This last weekend has probably been one of the hardest times in my life. My grandfather passed away about 2 days after being taken off of dialysis. As the oldest grandchild, I think when it all happened, I was more worried about making sure my cousins and family were ok, rather then let my emotions get the best of me. It was after all just a matter of time after they stopped dialysis. Even though it was expected and you try to prepare yourself, it’s still heartbreaking. I know some people lose them when they are young, but I’ve been blessed to have had mine through my adult years. The first grandparent i lost was my mothers mom when i was about 19 or 20. So now 18 years after losing my mothers mom, I’ve lost my fathers dad. Seeing my dad at my grandpa’s bedside after he passed is an experience I do not ever want to feel again, only i know that I’ll have to go through it 4 more times. My grandpa was awesome. He talked shit, gave me the finger and told me he loved me all at the same time. Today at work, I think the realization finally hit because I broke down. I think about my dad the most. He was close to my grandpa like I am close to my dad. He can no longer call him on the phone, or watch the Cubs or Blackhawks with him. That scares me the most. There will be a day that I wont be able to call my dad, celebrate a Hawks goal, or go golfing with him. My grandpa hated going to the hospital for dialysis and for medical shit, so saying that I wish he was still here would be selfish on my part. Death is inevitable and I understand that, just wish taking the lose would be easier. Here is the picture slide show I did for the visitation.
266lbs. That’s how much i weigh after this damn flu/cold that kicked my ass since Thursday night. Not bad, being that i was just weighing in at 278lbs. I hate being sick. Not so much the congestion and coughing, but because of my back being bad, every time i sneeze, my body locks up and im in so much pain. Seriously, my body going into paralyze mode for about four secs after the sneeze. My bs VA doctors say its due to my muscles and tendons being tight. Anyways, it’s not fun. Now my wifey is sick, poor girl. She tries to take care of me and now she is fighting this crap.
Today’s classic movie of the day is Garbage Pail Kids.
Well, it’s 9:38am. I wanted to be at the gym at 8am. Now I know people usually do the gym thing right after new years, but as I stated in my last post, this is not a resolution. I want to go because of my health. I’m diabetic and my body has been feeling like shit. Blurry vision, back pain from the military, dizziness, vertigo, stomach issues, yada yada yada. So now I sit here an hour and thirty eight minutes after the target time. I could use that as an excuse and just say there is always tomorrow. But, just like me being a cubs fan and saying wait till next year, tomorrow may not come.
Before I go, I was talking to my wifey the other night about how you look back at shit and wonder how things would have played out if you did things differently. I was a very bad gambler. We’re talking cash my paycheck on the boat and play till you have nothing left gambling. I owe a lot to my sister for letting me live with her and her husband, even if my “bedroom” was a couch on their basement. I mean really, after the service and being a corrections officer, I didn’t have shit thanks to gambling. Believe me that shit created a lot of arguments between me, friends and family. When I worked at Center for Alcohol and Drug Services, the clients asked if i was a recovering addict like them. Well, yes, to a point. Gambling was my drug. The same uneasiness you experienced when that pipe was getting lit and then the calm serenity after you took that breath, is what I felt when i pulled that lever on the slot machine. It wasn’t until my dad called 1800 Bets Off that I stopped. Believe me, it wasn’t by choice. I had to go to meetings, I had to get my picture taken at each of the casinos and I was banned for life from all casinos in Iowa and IL. So again, I look back and think goddamn had you put that money towards your bills and not the slot machine, you’d have damn near perfect credit. O’well, like I’ve told my students, your eyes are on your face because you are supposed to look forward…
Off to the gym I go.
Wow, it’s been about two months since i’ve been on here. I am now working again, thankfully. However I have been sick since last Tuesday and have had to call in twice. I think that we can all agree that twice in a one month period is too much, but i’m damn near dying over here. I have an upper respiratory infection and have been put on antibiotics.
When i last wrote, I spoke of my wifey and I going to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It was not too bad except if we were to go again, I would not book the Hilton. I’ve stayed at the Hilton before, but this place was not up to par.
Thank god hockey starts in about 10 days. My dad and I are going to the home opener for the Blackhawks. I’ve never been to a home opener so it should be fun. We are also going to a game on Nov. 16th along with my bro in law. My dad is trying to convince me to go up to Detroit for the Hawks Redwings game on Nov. 14th. Which means 6 hours of my dad driving to detroit, staying the night at my uncles, then heading to Chicago early Sunday morning.
So I learned that my ex supervisor that I had at CADS walked out. Happy for him, they treated him like shit. When an organization has people resigning or walking out, maybe the board should take a step back and look at upper management. Also, it has come to my attention that the CEO looks at my blogs here. Well Sir, you keep running your mouth, expect a Defamation, Libel and Slander lawsuit. That also pertains to your yes men in HR.
Big ups to Whitney Houston, she’s been clean for over 2 years now.