Things on my Mind 5/19/16

I just left the chiropractor’s office after getting adjusted and really, I don’t feel a difference.  I understand that fixing a 16 year problem will not happen over night or in my case, four times, but just a little relief would be nice.  I do feel a little better about 10 minutes after the fact, but then it’s back to pain.  The VA said that I probably need surgery but they will not pay for it until i get into my 50’s.  They said i’m too young (36) right now to have to go through that.  I call bullshit, but then again ,it’s the VA and the shit they feed you has to be taken with a grain of salt.

Graduation is tomorrow and I’m both excited and worried.  Excited because i can finally say that I have a master’s degree but worried because I know that those student loans are going to be a bitch to repay back. Putting out resumes is kind of like fishing.  You throw out a hook and hope that the big one bites.  Unfortunately, sometimes it’s just a minnow.  Now granted, when you’ve been fishing all day, even a minnow can make you excited. Well, for as many resumes I have put out there, I’m beginning to think that the pond needs to be restocked.  I really can’t put all the blame on the pond of course, sometimes when you catch a decent sized fish, you throw it back, hoping for a bigger one.  That is my problem.  I’ve had a few good jobs, one that paid crazy good, yet I through it all away hoping for something better.  This of course does not look good on a resume.  Here’s the thing, I don’t leave a job for the sake of just being bored and leaving, but the jobs that i have had, have been physical and right now in my current condition, I just can’t do those types of jobs anymore.

Late last night/ early this morning there was a plane that was flying from Paris to Egypt that went missing from radar.  Trump tweeted out that it was terror related and of course the twitter police (Hillary and Bernie supporters) all tweeted how he was jumping the gun.  Funny thing though, this morning the Egyptian president said that it was terror related. So yeah, jumping the gun wasn’t so far fetched was it.

Banks have to be the biggest ripoffs.  I’ll use my bank as an example.  If I have $50 in my account and my kohls automatic bill pay is $55, my back will pay it, putting my account        -$5.  On top of that, they will charge me $27 for ISF which will bring it to -$32. Now lets say walmart automatic bill pay is $40.  Because my account is in the red, they will not pay it obviously.  However, they will still charge me $27 for ISF even though they will not pay it.  That leads it to -$59 in my account.  Walmart doesn’t know that there is no money, just that the payment didn’t go through, so they try it again.  And again the bank rejects it and tacks on another $27 for ISF. So now my original -$5 is -$86 all thanks to ISF fees.  Of course people will say that it is my own fault for not having the money in there, and yes, that is true, but life happens and sometimes you go through a rough patch.

Sitting here at Starbucks, I looked out the window and just saw a guy drop his food on the ground, look around, picked it up and put it in his mouth. 5 second rule I suppose.  But yeah, i’m not eating something that feel on the ground outside where people sit and possible have shit on their shoes.

I have more to talk about, but I just hit a writing wall.

11/9/2015

Wow,its been awhile since I’ve posted on here.  Well let’s get started shall we?

One thing I’ve noticed with society today that was different from the 80’s or 90’s,is all the hate we have for each other.  Maybe it’s because people today have more of an outlet (internet) where their messages will be seen by more people.  Perhaps its the removal of God from schools.   For those that know me, know that I’m not the religious type but I do see a connection between the days when prayer was allowed and teachings/mentioning of the 10 commandments vs today.

I’m not working right now.  Funny being that the last time I wrote on here I was talking about my new job.  I’m not working because I’m lazy, I’m not working because sometimes my attitude is for shit.  I can blame others, but that’s not going to get me anywhere.  I’m at this point in my life because I put myself here. I have put in a million applications but i’m either over qualified or under qualified.  I just had an interview last week and I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it?  The hiring person said that for the amount they were going to offer me, they know I would leave if i got offered more somewhere else. They didn’t want to waste the resources on me, just for me to up and leave.  I can’t blame them though.  So now I just wait for the next opportunity and hopefully run with it.  They say when one door closes another opens. Well I’ve been knocking on this damn door and nobody wants to answer it.

Life can be a bitch sometimes.  One day you have the world in your hands, the next day its all gone.  As I sit here at the mall using this free wifi, I look at the people around me and wounder what kind of problems each one of these people have.  One may be unemployed, one may be going through a divorce, one might be dying of cancer, while another may be suffering depression. Some may not want you to know that they suffer from depression or an illness, while others are open about it.  Some are open about it so they can try to educate the public on that condition.  Some however, are open about it so they can throw a pity party for themselves in hopes that people will feel bad for them.  As for myself, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder axis 2 back in 2002 when i was in the military. Its crazy thinking about it to be honest with you.  For almost 13 years I’ve had this, but not once have I tried to get help.  Again, this is not me wanting a pity party, and this isn’t sour grapes.  A few weeks ago I began seeing someone at the VA Clinic for these issues.  One minute I’m happy go lucky, the next tears in my eyes, the next I want to run my car off the road.  Now the last part is not a means for suicide, but rather about control.  The sad part about this, I didn’t want to go see her but my wife said I needed help.  I have lost friends, I have lost jobs because of my attitude, but I don’t want to lose my wife.  There are actions from our past that we can not change. Whether it be hurting the people we love, being an addict, causing self harm or whatever.  You can’t change the past nor should you allow the past to shape who you are today or who you can become tomorrow. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I always told my students, “your eyes are in the front of your face because you should always look ahead”.

Well I guess that’s all for now.  Don’t forget to thank a cop.

4/29/2015

1. Finally found a job.  Where at? I’m not saying lol  The reason why I would get in trouble with my other job is because they kept reading some of the things i would put on here.  So yeah, not mentioning it. I will say that it is in loss prevention and that the money is not too bad.  They actually gave me the salary that i was looking for.

2.  I’m back in school mode. I want to bust my ass and get the shit done and move on.  I did fail my last term but that is my fault and my fault only.  I just didn’t care.  Now though, new job, new way of thinking.  It’s going to be hard down the stretch, but well worth it.  Or so I’ve been told.

3.  A girl that i know has to move out of the place she is renting due to it being sold.  She has nowhere to go and that sucks.  I know first hand how that it is.  I went from the military, to living with my Aunt, to my dads, to my sisters basement to my mother in laws basement to where I am now.  I wish I could help her.  I do have an extra room in my apartment, but I know my wife wouldn’t go for it.  Not saying she would be wrong to say no, just saying i know how it is to have to wonder what else can go wrong.

4. Freddie Gray, of course I was going to go there.  Freddie was arrested for…well that’s the thing, we really don’t know. Speculation is, is that he ran because of his record.  He was caught, put in the police van and transported. A few witnesses say that he was complaining of his leg hurting when being taken away.  This however does not explain how a guy who complained of a hurt leg, ended up dead due to spinal injuries.

4.5   It’s funny to me in a sad way that this man’s rap sheet has been released, as if it brings justification to his death. Does it really matter?  He could of had 40 arrest, or 0.  What does matter is how you go from living to dead while in custody.  This leads me to Baltimore where some call it protest, while others call it riots. I’m all for protesting, as long as it is done peacefully.  The problem that we have in Baltimore is that the media only picked up on the highschool aged “protesters” who ended up rioting.  11053469_10205453155140541_6729628925779625340_n 11169892_10205453160620678_285763273448683240_nThe difference between these pics are that in the 60’s there was a bond in the community. They fought for the love and respect of each other. Today though, these fucktards do what they do because they know a camera is watching them and society has glorified being a thug…or as i like to call it “being a fucking idiot”.

5. “All they are doing is destroying their own community.”  When you don’t have self worth for yourself, you can’t have it for your community.  If you live in poverty and cant purchase and enjoy the things that are being shown in the window fronts of these businesses, of course you’re not going to care about them.  A majority of these business are white owned, and unfortunately there is no connection to them. Yes, they are burning down a community, but it’s the community that has feed off of them.   Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s dumb as hell to burn down your own community, but there is a reason behind it.

6. Why don’t they protest black on black crime?  That’s easy, the media cold give two shit about that.

7.  We don’t have to worry about ISIS destroying us, just ourselves.

4/22/15

First things first, can mother nature make up her mind as to what season she want’s to bless us with?

1. People who wear headphones while driving are dumb.  Personally, when I wear mine, I have them turned up loud.  If I were to wear them while driving, how would I be able to hear an ambulance or police car?

2. Job interview today was awesome.  I’m not having a big head, but i feel confident on how I did.  We’ll see though if i get an offer.  Interestingly, the lady who interviewed me, said that i should not accept a salary that I’m not comfortable with. I need to counter if its not what i think i deserve.  On the outside I had on my poker face, on the inside i was like… wait what…for reals?

3. Even with my interview this morning, I had to stay up to see the Blackhawks win in the 3rd OT last night. .  I finally got home about 2am.  That’s what being a Hawks fan is all about.

4. If any of my nieces dressed like this girl who just came into Starbucks, I’d have to beat their asses.  Seriously, I’ve seen more clothes at a nudist beach.

5. I just found out a half hour ago that the Undertaker is supposed to be at Wizard Con Chicago in August when i go.  This grown man is going to have tear when I meet him.  Talk about a childhood idol.  undertaker2_5-1403510477

6. Whitney Houston is coming up on her 4 year sobriety chip.

3/24/2015

Currently, i’m sitting at Panera Bread typing this, not my usual Starbucks.  I feel like im cheating.  I just got back from picking up my nieces from school and dropping them off.  I had to go in with them to use the restroom and walked out with 5 packs of girl scout cookies.  wtf?

Still no job.  I do have an interview tomorrow.  But at 35, I’m looking for something I am going to stick with. Even while having a college education, bouncing around job to job does not look good.  I think that if I had children, I would have taken the job scene more seriously.  That’s not to say im not nervous about bills , but taking care of a kid would cost a hell of lot more than what my wife and I have to worry about right now.

Earlier there was a guy on the corner of the intersection asking for money.  As i’ve stated before, I usually give them a few bucks.  It’s funny when the person behind me gets mad when its a green light and i slow down to hand them the money.  I know I could be the one standing on the corner and i hope someone would stop for me.  The same person who is bitching at me for helping this guy is probably the same person who has no problem giving 10% of their check to their church.  I find it funny when people act as though they are “saved” just because they give a donation or attend church on the regular, yet act like they are better than others the rest of the time.  I hate that churches are not taxed.  If they were, this national debt would be cleared up in a heartbeat.

I’ve started reading up on the Church of Satan.  No, i’m not turning to Satan or plan on becoming a devil worshiper.  It’s a legit religion and I wanted to know more about it.  I did the same thing with Islam.  I will say the one thing I like about the Church of Satan is that it is not thrown in your face like Christianity or Catholicism. I remember back in the 80’s when Rivera did a “news” story about satan worship.  I watched it again, thanks to youtube and it was still comedy. No, you don’t have to drink blood or sacrifice a baby. lol

I don’t understand how people can pay these expensive ass prices here at Panera.

3/9/15

It’s been awhile since I’ve last written I know, but it’s been a crazy time in my life.  I’m still looking for another job, that hasn’t changed. I have had interviews, but i’m looking for a career move, not just another job.  The problem i’m having right now is that i’m either too over qualified, or just not qualified enough.  It really pisses me off that here I am with a bachelor degree, working on my masters and can’t get assistance.  Yet, you have third generation welfare families with no high school diploma and they have a fridge full of food, cable, cellphone, $36 for rent and haven’t worked in years.  Sonny was right,the workin man is a Sucka! – Bronx Tale

I almost have my costume ready for Chicago’s WizardCon.  I’m going as Barf from spaceballs and my niece is going as batman.  I’m crazy excited to take her cause she is such an awesome kid and I think she will have a blast.  I’m taking my nephew to his first wwe ppv next month which i know will make him shit his pants.  Not being able to have kids myself, i enjoy doing those types of things with my nieces and nephews.  Now if i can only get my nephew addicted to hockey lol

This weekend, i decided to go visit my biological mom in Missouri.  I have not lived with her since I was about 6, so unfortunately when i visit, we tend to argue about something. She has her way of thinking and i have my dads.  It doesn’t mix.  So yeah, we got into an argument because my mom has beef with her niece,my cousin.  My cousin asked me to go to lunch with her and my other cousins, however because of this dumb ass beef, my mom was having none of it.  However, i’m 35 and i’m going to do what i want, so i went and had an awesome time catching up with my cousins.  My mom said some things to me that I wont put on here but didn’t make me feel very good, especially coming from a mom.  I love my mom no matter what, after all she is my mom. It’s just hard when you have not lived with someone or been at least in the same state as someone for over 25 years.  Personalities and attitudes clash. I do have a step mom,but i introduce her as mom to people i meet.  She has been my mom since i was like 6.  I’ve just never got around to calling her mom, don’t know why.  I should since she is the one who has raised me..it’s difficult to explain I guess.

I did however have a kick ass time with my sister and her husband.  My sister and i also have never lived together really except for maybe till she was 4.  We usually fight ever damn time we see each other.  She is strong minded as am I and we don’t hold back.  But for some reason, this time we bonded unlike before. If there is one thing i wish I could go back and change in my life, it is that i would have been a better brother to both of my sisters.  I try to make up for it now that we are older, but there are many years that could and should have been better.

It’s actually funny how when your body is sick, you start to think about the life you have lived and things you would have changed, like it’s going to heal you now.  Actually that is not very good to do, it can bring depression and anxiety and make you feel worse.

I love Paige from WWE, just getting that out there.

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1/23/15

Well, I had a job interview yesterday.  It was by far the hardest interview I have had.  I compared it to being in basic training and having the TI’s gang up on your during lunch, or as it is known in the Air Force, the Snake Pit.  The question’s weren’t very hard that they asked, but when a few of the interviewers  have put in 25+ years at this job, it’s kind of intimidating.  So, now i wait to see if it’s a go or not.  In the meantime, I’ll keep pushing out those applications.

I’ve stated before that I hate living in the Midwest.  I’ve lived here my entire life, with the exception of my time in the Air Force. For some reason though, I don’t consider it home. For me, the southwest is home.  People have asked me why I don’t just move there.  If it was only that easy.  My wifey has another year of school left for her bachelor’s, and I less than a year for my master’s.  Maybe, and that’s a BIG maybe, we’ll move on down there and give it a try for a year or two.  Of course, my main issue is family.  I know as soon as we were to get down there, someone here would get sick and we’d have to travel back.  My mother keeps wanting me to move to Missouri to be closer to her and my sister.  I’m like ma, that’s still the Midwest.

I did photography for a few years and miss it.  When i got hired on at CADS I sold all my equipment because being a supervisor and salary, I didn’t want to book a wedding or party then get called into work. My favorite part of photography was the editing and restoration of old pics. Here are a some of my pictures.   light2   1  h b d (3) IMG_3832 IMG_3871 mk 1-51 b3 d

img_0790 img_1250 img_8270 mama-yola-1 tony1before-and-after

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Yeah so, I sure do miss it.  I’d love to start up again, but two things are stopping me.  1) Photography is a very expensive job/hobby. 2) My wife says no.  lol  I understand where she is coming from though.  Camera’s, lighting, remotes, backdrops, website, props, extra lens’s and whatnot are not cheap.

Alright folks, back to these job apps.  And do me a favor, don’t steal my pics.