See you soon.

This last weekend has probably been one of the hardest times in my life.  My grandfather passed away about 2 days after being taken off of dialysis.  As the oldest grandchild, I think when it all happened, I was more worried about making sure my cousins and family were ok, rather then let my emotions get the best of me.  It was after all just a matter of time after they stopped dialysis.  Even though it was expected and you try to prepare yourself, it’s still heartbreaking.  I know some people lose them when they are young, but I’ve been blessed to have had mine through my adult years.  The first grandparent i lost was my mothers mom when i was about 19 or 20.  So now 18 years after losing my mothers mom,  I’ve lost my fathers dad. Seeing my dad at my grandpa’s bedside after he passed is an experience I do not ever want to feel again, only i know that I’ll have to go through it 4 more times.  My grandpa was awesome.  He talked shit, gave me the finger and told me he loved me all at the same time.  Today at work, I think the realization finally hit because I broke down.  I think about my dad the most. He was close to my grandpa like I am close to my dad.  He can no longer call him on the phone, or watch the Cubs or Blackhawks with him. That scares me the most. There will be a day that I wont be able to call my dad, celebrate a Hawks goal, or go golfing with him.  My grandpa hated going to the hospital for dialysis and for medical shit, so saying that I wish he was still here would be selfish on my part.  Death is inevitable and I understand that, just wish taking the lose would be easier.  Here is the picture slide show I did for the visitation.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

1/4/15

Mother Nature has a sense of humor. It was warm enough yesterday to not have to wear a winter coat, but then this crap. 7dayFULL I hate living in the Midwest with a passion.  I want to go back to TX but hell, even they are getting snow.  The bad thing about it snowing, just as it is now, is that people want to drive like fkn idiots.  There are three rules to remember when driving in snow. 1) Dont get hit. 2) Dont hit someone else. 3) Drive.  Some people want to drive like they are tip toeing into the kitchen at midnight.  I’m all for being safe of course, but damn if you don’t go you’re going to get stuck.

Stuart Scott passed away today.  I was never a fan of his really, but he was a good personality for ESPN. Glad that he was able to make it through the holidays for his daughters.

10891459_10152947488434326_7544235468520997051_nBack to this bullshit snow.  I look out of this Starbucks window thinking, why the fk am I here and not in the comfort of my bed? And of all the bullshit things I buy, why haven’t I bought a car starter?  It is nice though being here and not having anyone around me.  Just me, Venti pumpkin spice latte and Dido.

didobioI played Dido’s CD nonstop when I was overseas.  I remember my tent mate yelling at me to shut it off cause I played it so much.  This would be played in my tent and Outkast would be playing everywhere else.  At post..outkast.  On our way to Kuwait City..outkast.  Chowhall..Outkast.  They had a song, “Bombs Over Baghdad” that the Kuwait’s would dance to.  One of the Kuwait Officers heard me play it, reached in his shirt and pulled out a cross necklace.  He kept saying “SEE, I’M CHRISTMAS, I’M CHRISTMAS!”  I said you mean Christian.  “YES, CHRISTMAS!”  Okay then. lol

I go back to work tomorrow, after a 2 week vacation.  Honestly, I don’t want to go back. Not because of the kids, I love them and their craziness.  But because I don’t get paid shit really for all the stress we have.  I know, something is better than nothing but I could seriously go work at Aldi’s and bag groceries and make more than what I do now. I’m hoping to get a phone call tomorrow with some good news that will better this situation.

Break Free by Ruby Rose= beautiful song, check her out.

Let me ask a question.  In life, your main objective is to have kids and pass on that bloodline.  What if you can’t have kids?  Then what is the meaning to life?  You wake up, eat, shit, work, sleep, repeat.  You really don’t have a purpose anymore.  The bloodline stops with you.  If you were fortunate enough, your parents tried to raise you in a way in which you will be a great parent to your own kids and pass on traditions. I think about all the things I was able to give my parents, everything but a grandchild.  When my sister got pregnant at 15, I had some animosity toward her kid.  You mean to tell me God will give a kid to a 15 year old girl, but not two adults who have good jobs, are caring, and want kids?  I think that’s why my belief in God is so null.  I believe Jesus was a man who did walk this Earth. I don’t believe the miracle stuff though.  I’m just not buying the whole God created man and the universe shit.  Maybe it’s the fact that I had to go to a Catholic School and the shit was stuffed down my throat, that now I’m like eh.

Well folks I think its time for me to go.  There is a creepy dude sitting across the room staring at me like he wants my nuts.