Tonight is the first preseason game for the Blackhawks. Normally, I’d be excited about this and call my dad and grandpa to see if they’re going to watch it, but not tonight. My dad and I decided not to go to the home opener, but rather watch it at his house, with my uncles, with my grandpa’s jersey on the chair he sat in. For the first time my dad will have to watch a game knowing he can’t call his dad to celebrate a win or pick him up to watch the game. Some of you may think that this is being over dramatic, but the Blackhawks were a bonding experience that was passed on through generations. Some may have memories of baking cookies with their grandma, or perhaps fishing with their grandpa, mine was celebrating a goal. As the Blackhawks take the puck past the blue line and slip the puck past the goalie, this celebration will be different, this celebration will be with tears.
This last weekend has probably been one of the hardest times in my life. My grandfather passed away about 2 days after being taken off of dialysis. As the oldest grandchild, I think when it all happened, I was more worried about making sure my cousins and family were ok, rather then let my emotions get the best of me. It was after all just a matter of time after they stopped dialysis. Even though it was expected and you try to prepare yourself, it’s still heartbreaking. I know some people lose them when they are young, but I’ve been blessed to have had mine through my adult years. The first grandparent i lost was my mothers mom when i was about 19 or 20. So now 18 years after losing my mothers mom, I’ve lost my fathers dad. Seeing my dad at my grandpa’s bedside after he passed is an experience I do not ever want to feel again, only i know that I’ll have to go through it 4 more times. My grandpa was awesome. He talked shit, gave me the finger and told me he loved me all at the same time. Today at work, I think the realization finally hit because I broke down. I think about my dad the most. He was close to my grandpa like I am close to my dad. He can no longer call him on the phone, or watch the Cubs or Blackhawks with him. That scares me the most. There will be a day that I wont be able to call my dad, celebrate a Hawks goal, or go golfing with him. My grandpa hated going to the hospital for dialysis and for medical shit, so saying that I wish he was still here would be selfish on my part. Death is inevitable and I understand that, just wish taking the lose would be easier. Here is the picture slide show I did for the visitation.