9/16/16 Things on my mind

Let’s take it back to the origins of Things on My Mind if I may.

  1. So here are a few things God has let happen in the past month or so.
    • In New Mexico, Michelle Martens purposely gave her 10 year old daughter meth so Michelle’s boyfriend and his friend could  sexually assault/rape the girl. One of the guys strangled and stabbed her during the attack, resulting in her death. If that wasn’t bad enough, one guy had sex with the girl after she was already dead.  They then proceeded to cut up her body.  Now to add to the fuckery of this entire thing, Michelle admitted that this was not the first time she let men do this and that she invited guys over to do it to her daughter, as it was a form of sexual gratification for her.
    • A New Jersey man beat his girlfriend’s 2 year old toddler, telling the boy to “put up his hands” to fight while the couple argued over groceries. The guy was pissed about the type of groceries the lady bought and the boy stepped in to protect his mom.  The guy hit the kid twice in the torso.  Mind you this little kid is 40lbs.  The boy’s head struck the wall and the man hit him again, killing him.
    • I think we’ve all seen the picture of the two adults who overdosed on heroin in the car while a toddler is in the back seat.  Although the two adults were not dead, this kid will have that image sketched in his brain for years.
  2. We have some neighbors that have the cops called on them for what seems like every other week. The boyfriend, who is not on the lease, is abusive and the landlord knows this but hasn’t done a thing about it.  He was arrested again 2 weeks ago for domestic violence and our wonderful court system dropped the charges.  Now if this girl wants to continue letting him beat her ass, that’s on her. I understand the whole love is blind and its hard to leave an abuser thing.  But when you have a baby (not even a year old yet) living there when this shit goes on, you’d think it might be time to move the fuck on.  I have a feeling that one of three things are going to happen.
    • She is going to finally get smart and leave him.
    • He is going to finally snap and kill her.
    • He is going to finally snap and kill her, the baby and himself.
  3. I find it funny that the same people who bitch about Trump using Eminent Domain for his buildings are the same ones who can’t see the problem with the Dakota Pipeline.  Standing Rock Sioux native american’s have every right to complain and protest this pipeline. Originally the pipeline was supposed to have crossed the Missouri River near Bismarck, but was moved in fear that an oil spill would contaminate the capitals drinking water. Well, the same principle applies here.  If there is an oil spill, it will contaminate not only the water but the farming land and the sacred burial grounds of the Sioux people. I think that out of all the people in the US who bitch over inequality and oppression, Native Americans are the least aggressive and have a right to fight this. I mean damn, they were here first.  Do you also notice how they are not looting their neighborhoods or killing/hurting the workers. 100% peaceful protesting.
  4.  Working at the airport today I got to witness my first Honor Flight, and it was amazing. You had a generation of people who did not need a safe room because they are not a bunch of bitches. I laugh at teens or young adults who bitch about how bad the US is and how oppressed certain races are.  Then, they are the first ones who think we should allow certain refugees in here who don’t agree with our lifestyle.  These kids and young adults have no idea how lucky they are to live in a country where you are free to bitch and complain without fear of being killed over it. Personally, this is why i think the draft needs to come back.  Send each military member overseas for a 6 month tour to a hazardous pay country, just so they can see how good they have it when they come back here.

 

1/7/2016

Today’s not a good day.  Nothing bad per say, just have a lot of shit going through my mind.  I just turned in my papers for the VA to fill out and that’s probably going to take a while to get back because the VA is slow as hell.

It’s frustrating when you apply for a job, don’t hear anything, then see a week later that the job was reposted on job sites. I think I’m just tired of being here.  My family is here but I don’t want to be.  My wife and I are supposed to be going to Austin in April and I already told her that maybe I’ll go up there a few weeks early and go job hunting.  I talked to my dad about going somewhere else to look for a job and he said I should do what i need to do.

When i left this shit hole midwest back in 99, it was hard to leave my family, but I joined the Air Force and it wasn’t like i was just going somewhere with no job.

I just spoke to one of my good friends last night about stuff.  I’ve known this guy since we were in the 5th grade, so I take his words to heart.  I told him that I feel like I haven’t accomplished shit.  I’m 36 and don’t have anything to show for it.  Yeah Im married, but that’s it.  No house, no kids, I bounce from job to job.  I hate it. He said be glad you don’t have kids you have to worry about at least.  I said that’s true, but if i did have kids, would that have put me in a different place today.  What i mean is that I would have to do whatever it takes to clothe and feed my kids.    I probably wouldn’t have been so quick to bounce between jobs.

This isn’t sour grapes.  I know I can’t go back in time, it just sucks when the time you wasted is longer than the time you have in front of you.  I think about those that go out and rob banks or rob people.  Like really, how many of them wanted to do that just to be a dick, vs those that did it because they ran out of options?

This leads me to religion.  I don’t want to say God or Jesus because this applies to all religions.  How long can you go asking for help or asking for something good, till you finally give up on the prayers?  Personally, I pray to Jesus.  Some would ask why I don’t pray to God? I don’t believe in God. I do believe in Jesus though.  I don’t believe that he walked on water or turned water into wine or any of that nonsense.  I believe that Jesus was a man at one time who did perform miracles, just not the type that i listed above.  When i say miracles, I mean that he helped people more than others did.  It’s kind of funny when  speak to people about religion.  How can you believe in Jesus but not believe in God, church or the bible? I believe in science.  When a person is killed by a drunk driver, who do you blame, the drunk or God?  The drunk right?  So why is it that when a doctor saves a heart attack victim, you hear “god is good” “god works miracles”.  God didn’t do shit, that doctor did.  The doctor is the one who should be getting praised.

11/9/2015

Wow,its been awhile since I’ve posted on here.  Well let’s get started shall we?

One thing I’ve noticed with society today that was different from the 80’s or 90’s,is all the hate we have for each other.  Maybe it’s because people today have more of an outlet (internet) where their messages will be seen by more people.  Perhaps its the removal of God from schools.   For those that know me, know that I’m not the religious type but I do see a connection between the days when prayer was allowed and teachings/mentioning of the 10 commandments vs today.

I’m not working right now.  Funny being that the last time I wrote on here I was talking about my new job.  I’m not working because I’m lazy, I’m not working because sometimes my attitude is for shit.  I can blame others, but that’s not going to get me anywhere.  I’m at this point in my life because I put myself here. I have put in a million applications but i’m either over qualified or under qualified.  I just had an interview last week and I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it?  The hiring person said that for the amount they were going to offer me, they know I would leave if i got offered more somewhere else. They didn’t want to waste the resources on me, just for me to up and leave.  I can’t blame them though.  So now I just wait for the next opportunity and hopefully run with it.  They say when one door closes another opens. Well I’ve been knocking on this damn door and nobody wants to answer it.

Life can be a bitch sometimes.  One day you have the world in your hands, the next day its all gone.  As I sit here at the mall using this free wifi, I look at the people around me and wounder what kind of problems each one of these people have.  One may be unemployed, one may be going through a divorce, one might be dying of cancer, while another may be suffering depression. Some may not want you to know that they suffer from depression or an illness, while others are open about it.  Some are open about it so they can try to educate the public on that condition.  Some however, are open about it so they can throw a pity party for themselves in hopes that people will feel bad for them.  As for myself, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder axis 2 back in 2002 when i was in the military. Its crazy thinking about it to be honest with you.  For almost 13 years I’ve had this, but not once have I tried to get help.  Again, this is not me wanting a pity party, and this isn’t sour grapes.  A few weeks ago I began seeing someone at the VA Clinic for these issues.  One minute I’m happy go lucky, the next tears in my eyes, the next I want to run my car off the road.  Now the last part is not a means for suicide, but rather about control.  The sad part about this, I didn’t want to go see her but my wife said I needed help.  I have lost friends, I have lost jobs because of my attitude, but I don’t want to lose my wife.  There are actions from our past that we can not change. Whether it be hurting the people we love, being an addict, causing self harm or whatever.  You can’t change the past nor should you allow the past to shape who you are today or who you can become tomorrow. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I always told my students, “your eyes are in the front of your face because you should always look ahead”.

Well I guess that’s all for now.  Don’t forget to thank a cop.

1/4/15

Mother Nature has a sense of humor. It was warm enough yesterday to not have to wear a winter coat, but then this crap. 7dayFULL I hate living in the Midwest with a passion.  I want to go back to TX but hell, even they are getting snow.  The bad thing about it snowing, just as it is now, is that people want to drive like fkn idiots.  There are three rules to remember when driving in snow. 1) Dont get hit. 2) Dont hit someone else. 3) Drive.  Some people want to drive like they are tip toeing into the kitchen at midnight.  I’m all for being safe of course, but damn if you don’t go you’re going to get stuck.

Stuart Scott passed away today.  I was never a fan of his really, but he was a good personality for ESPN. Glad that he was able to make it through the holidays for his daughters.

10891459_10152947488434326_7544235468520997051_nBack to this bullshit snow.  I look out of this Starbucks window thinking, why the fk am I here and not in the comfort of my bed? And of all the bullshit things I buy, why haven’t I bought a car starter?  It is nice though being here and not having anyone around me.  Just me, Venti pumpkin spice latte and Dido.

didobioI played Dido’s CD nonstop when I was overseas.  I remember my tent mate yelling at me to shut it off cause I played it so much.  This would be played in my tent and Outkast would be playing everywhere else.  At post..outkast.  On our way to Kuwait City..outkast.  Chowhall..Outkast.  They had a song, “Bombs Over Baghdad” that the Kuwait’s would dance to.  One of the Kuwait Officers heard me play it, reached in his shirt and pulled out a cross necklace.  He kept saying “SEE, I’M CHRISTMAS, I’M CHRISTMAS!”  I said you mean Christian.  “YES, CHRISTMAS!”  Okay then. lol

I go back to work tomorrow, after a 2 week vacation.  Honestly, I don’t want to go back. Not because of the kids, I love them and their craziness.  But because I don’t get paid shit really for all the stress we have.  I know, something is better than nothing but I could seriously go work at Aldi’s and bag groceries and make more than what I do now. I’m hoping to get a phone call tomorrow with some good news that will better this situation.

Break Free by Ruby Rose= beautiful song, check her out.

Let me ask a question.  In life, your main objective is to have kids and pass on that bloodline.  What if you can’t have kids?  Then what is the meaning to life?  You wake up, eat, shit, work, sleep, repeat.  You really don’t have a purpose anymore.  The bloodline stops with you.  If you were fortunate enough, your parents tried to raise you in a way in which you will be a great parent to your own kids and pass on traditions. I think about all the things I was able to give my parents, everything but a grandchild.  When my sister got pregnant at 15, I had some animosity toward her kid.  You mean to tell me God will give a kid to a 15 year old girl, but not two adults who have good jobs, are caring, and want kids?  I think that’s why my belief in God is so null.  I believe Jesus was a man who did walk this Earth. I don’t believe the miracle stuff though.  I’m just not buying the whole God created man and the universe shit.  Maybe it’s the fact that I had to go to a Catholic School and the shit was stuffed down my throat, that now I’m like eh.

Well folks I think its time for me to go.  There is a creepy dude sitting across the room staring at me like he wants my nuts.