See you soon.

This last weekend has probably been one of the hardest times in my life.  My grandfather passed away about 2 days after being taken off of dialysis.  As the oldest grandchild, I think when it all happened, I was more worried about making sure my cousins and family were ok, rather then let my emotions get the best of me.  It was after all just a matter of time after they stopped dialysis.  Even though it was expected and you try to prepare yourself, it’s still heartbreaking.  I know some people lose them when they are young, but I’ve been blessed to have had mine through my adult years.  The first grandparent i lost was my mothers mom when i was about 19 or 20.  So now 18 years after losing my mothers mom,  I’ve lost my fathers dad. Seeing my dad at my grandpa’s bedside after he passed is an experience I do not ever want to feel again, only i know that I’ll have to go through it 4 more times.  My grandpa was awesome.  He talked shit, gave me the finger and told me he loved me all at the same time.  Today at work, I think the realization finally hit because I broke down.  I think about my dad the most. He was close to my grandpa like I am close to my dad.  He can no longer call him on the phone, or watch the Cubs or Blackhawks with him. That scares me the most. There will be a day that I wont be able to call my dad, celebrate a Hawks goal, or go golfing with him.  My grandpa hated going to the hospital for dialysis and for medical shit, so saying that I wish he was still here would be selfish on my part.  Death is inevitable and I understand that, just wish taking the lose would be easier.  Here is the picture slide show I did for the visitation.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are gathered here today, to get though this thing called life…

2016 is turning into the year of celebrity deaths.  Hearing about Prince’s death today was a surprise that was right up there with Kurt Cobain, Micheal Jackson and David Bowie.  Of course some will mention Lennon and Elvis, but I am only speaking of artist in my time.

Prince had 48 records, although about 10 of those were greatest hits.  I wasn’t a huge Prince fan but i did own three of his CD’s,  Purple Rain, Batman Soundtrack, and Diamonds and Pearl’s.  Of course he had other hits that i liked, but again I wasn’t a big enough fan to keep buying more CD’s.

The movie Purple Rain is right up there with Shawshank Redemption, if you are flipping through the channels and see that it’s on, it stays on.  The great thing about that movie is that it had one of the best soundtracks of all time.  I can only imagine how people felt seeing it in the movie theaters, you got to see a movie and basically a free concert.

The cool thing about him was how many damn songs he wrote for other artist, all while not including his name as the writer.  Nothing compares 2 U by Sinead O’Connor, Manic Monday by Bangles, Stand back by Stevie Nicks, How Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore by Alicia Keys just to name a few.  Lyrically the guy was a genius.

I heard about Prince’s death from my wife.  After she told me, the first thing I (along with probably hundreds of thousands of fans) was go to YouTube to jam out to his music.  The problem is though, Prince didn’t allow his music on YouTube. He was the Lars Ulrich before Lars.  Prince felt that since isn’t getting paid loyalties from YouTube, his music shouldn’t be on it.  So now I sit here typing this, listening to an older version of Purple Rain that someone just uploaded on YouTube.  People must think that just because he is now dead, that his estate wont continue to remove music lol   

The Goblin King is now joined by a Prince

 

Made you look!

Today sucks balls.  I have that “i don’t give a shit” attitude right now and I know that’s not good.

First issue of the day, let’s talk about school.  I have one class left for my masters degree.  Guess who ran out of financial aid money?  This guy.  So not only do I have to pay uncle sam back for this bs degree, but now i have to pay out of pocket for my last class.  I damn near begged my school for a scholarship, but they weren’t having it.  Basically it’s shit in one hand, wish in the other.  I have no idea what i’m going to do with this degree other than hang the paper on the wall next to my bachelors.

So here I am, creating a  gofundme account for $1700 bucks to help pay for my last term and not a single donation.  (Mind you, i’m not working right now and only get my military disability as income, and i deleted that go fund me account).  Yet, this arrogant fuck, Kanye West can whine that he is $53 million in debt and some ass tard sets him up a go fund me and it reached a little over $8000 as of this writing.  Society has their priorities fucked.

comfort_Rheem_BillboardSpeaking of school, for my class I just had, I had to make a bullshit marketing billboard that dealt with suicide awareness and come up with a name for it. I felt this assignment was a joke, so i treated it as such.

 

 

 

Second issue of the day is the damn TSA. I’m still waiting on a response from them on if I’ll be able to move on to the next step of the job qualifications.  They had to put my medical on hold due to my diabetes.  They said i had to get a pass from my doctor saying that i was in ok health with diabetes.  My doctor passed me and now i’ve been waiting for a month to find out the results from TSA.  I understand that with it being a federal job, it’s going to be hurry up and wait like the military was.

Third issue of the day.  I spoke to my dad again yesterday about the possibility of moving to TX.  He said “well son, you have to do what you have to do”.  That’s the problem, if i did what i had to do, I would have robbed a fkn bank already…can’t pay the bills with monopoly money.  As much as i talk about wanting to move to TX, the big problem I have is that I have so many relatives that are getting up there in age, I don’t want to get a phone call saying one passed, then having to come up with funds to fly back here.  This leads me to my fourth issue of the day.

Fourth issue of the day.  Death is inevitable. I was at my aunt’s house last night where my grandparents live.  While there, my grandpa said something to my aunt that really struck a chord with me.  I won’t say what is was, but it further cemented the truth that people are only here for certain amout of time…then poof you’re gone.  It would be nice to have people in your life forever, but physically it’s not possible.  Of course you can be hooked up to a machine and let it live for you,but it’s just a body, not a person.  Its funny that here i am worried about how I or my family is going to be when other people in our family passes, when after I write this blog, I could get into a head on collision and….

 

 

11/9/14

First things first…Cutler is a fkn idiot and needs to go. The Bears shouldn’t be this bad with all the good players on this team.

For some reason i think about death.  I mean, not really how I’ll die, but my funeral.  I guess it’s just planning ahead.  I’ve told my wife that I want to be cremated, with part of my ashes spread in alamogordo and the other part kept for her.  Of course though, she wasn’t going for it.  I then told her to have my ashes added to some tattoo ink and get a small tattoo in remembrance of me. Nope.  So then I said fk it, donate my body to the Body Farm.  The problem with that though is that is, it’s expensive to ship my ass from here to Tennessee.  I don’t really want a casket. I don’t see the point of paying all that money just to look good before you rot.  I’m going to get a military funeral since I’m a veteran and of course my wife will get the flag, but after that, just throw my body to the wolves.

The funny thing is, even though I don’t want an actual funeral, I do want music played.  I already have songs picked out.  1) I’ll fly with you by Gigi D’agostino 2)Broken Wings by Mister Mister 3) Father Figure by George Michael 4) My Way by Frank Sinatra 5)Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and 6) My Immortal by Evanescence 7)Slippin by DMX 8) Celebration by Cool and the Gang.  I know you’re probably thinking ..why?  Each one of these songs has a special meaning to me which i won’t get into right now.

I know it’s crazy, but I also told my wife that if I do have to have a true funeral, I want my tattoos cut off and put in a case with formaldehyde to be put on display.  Again, like the songs, each tattoo tells a story.  Now, you and I both know that my wife wouldn’t do that, but I still think that would be pretty cool.  Plus, I spent a lot of money on them, why not show them off in frames?

Did i mention how much Cutler sucks balls.

Veterans Day is coming up and I think that all veterans should get a mandatory paid day off on that day.  When I say veteran, I’m not talking about all military men or women.  Only those that have been TDY or who are out of the service.  If you’re in the military and haven’t left the states, then really you’re not a veteran of anything.  I know some won’t agree with that but hey..whatever.