See you soon.

This last weekend has probably been one of the hardest times in my life.  My grandfather passed away about 2 days after being taken off of dialysis.  As the oldest grandchild, I think when it all happened, I was more worried about making sure my cousins and family were ok, rather then let my emotions get the best of me.  It was after all just a matter of time after they stopped dialysis.  Even though it was expected and you try to prepare yourself, it’s still heartbreaking.  I know some people lose them when they are young, but I’ve been blessed to have had mine through my adult years.  The first grandparent i lost was my mothers mom when i was about 19 or 20.  So now 18 years after losing my mothers mom,  I’ve lost my fathers dad. Seeing my dad at my grandpa’s bedside after he passed is an experience I do not ever want to feel again, only i know that I’ll have to go through it 4 more times.  My grandpa was awesome.  He talked shit, gave me the finger and told me he loved me all at the same time.  Today at work, I think the realization finally hit because I broke down.  I think about my dad the most. He was close to my grandpa like I am close to my dad.  He can no longer call him on the phone, or watch the Cubs or Blackhawks with him. That scares me the most. There will be a day that I wont be able to call my dad, celebrate a Hawks goal, or go golfing with him.  My grandpa hated going to the hospital for dialysis and for medical shit, so saying that I wish he was still here would be selfish on my part.  Death is inevitable and I understand that, just wish taking the lose would be easier.  Here is the picture slide show I did for the visitation.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

1/05/15

Well, today was the first day back at work in 2 weeks.  The kids seemed excited about being back, some of the teachers including myself, could have used a few more days off.  The students really were not that bad today with the exception of one, but even then, he just threw a fit more then anything.  Again, I have to remind myself that these kids are here because of behavioral issues and they are not going to change overnight.  Today though was the first time I called a student’s parent about his behavior.  It’s upsetting when you call a parent and they respond the same way the child would.  These kids are truly a product of their environment.  I have two students who I am going to miss the most whenever I decide to leave.  The one thinks she is a gangster, when really, she is smart but being smart isn’t cool in her “hood”.  The other kid was without a father figure for his entire life due to his dad being in prison.  His dad is out now and instead of trying to be a dad, he is trying to be the young boys friend.  This puts stress on mom.  She has acted as mother and father, being the disciplinary and the comfort.  Now dad is in the picture and wants to be the friend, this kid would of course rather listen to dad.  For some reason though, the mom as told me that my student comes home talking about me and how he respects and likes me.  It’s kind of funny because when I normally yell at someone all the time, they end up not liking me. Maybe he just likes the feeling that someone cares..then again, most of these kids probably feel the same.

I’m not at Starbucks writing this which is a change.  I’m at home waiting for my wifey to get here. The weather sucks…and she just walked in. 🙂  So yeah, the weather sucks and we are supposed to get 5-7 inches of snow.  I fkn hate snow.

I wish I could will the lottery.  I don’t even need to when $5 million, just like $500,000.  I know some people say mo money mo problems, but damn, mo money mo bills being paid. lol  I hate living paycheck to paycheck but hey, at least I’m getting a paycheck.  If I won $5 million, what would I do?  My wife and i have talked over this scenario many a times, even though we know the shit aint going to happen.  We would give our siblings a small chunk of change, probably like $20 grand each.  I’d make sure my nieces and nephews had a little for a graduation present.  Buy my parents and wifey’s parents new cars.  Then probably just put the rest in a CD or something.  Really when you think about it, $5 million is not a lot, but it is 5 million more than what i have now.