Well shit…

As I got off work today I got in my car and sped home. Zooming past cars left and right, going through yellow lights as they were turning red. Sweat beads on my forehead drip down to my eyes blurring my vision, while the perspiration under my arms begins to seep through my shirt.

I NEED TO GET HOME NOW, my mind keeps telling me as if someone is in the passenger seat screaming in my ear. I pull into my driveway slowly, but still with a sense of urgency.  I run into my home with my heart beating like a native summoning the rain. I look down, see my girlfriend on the floor with my daughter. AM I TOO LATE as i look down at them.  Nope, they’re just sleeping.

I run towards my bedroom, open the door ever so slightly…and there it is..looking right back at me.  My Gun.  Whew, thank god! I was worried about it walking out of  the house and going on a killing spree.

What a relief.  I mean I keep hearing on the news that guns are to blame for the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton.  I kind of have to wonder when my gun is going to grow legs too, like those used the past few days.  I don’t know, maybe Glocks are late bloomers….

Do we see how stupid that story sounds?  MORE GUN LAWS!! MORE GUN RESTRICTIONS!! Yeah, that will help.  Perhaps you can use old Barbara’s “Just Say No” and post it above a picture of a gun. You know, cause that worked so well for the War on Drugs.

Guns are not the issue, it’s the people behind the gun.  I know..I know.  Here comes the “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” speech.  Well, yeah. It’s about self accountability. As a diabetic myself, if I die today from drinking a 2 liter of pepsi, does my girlfriend say NO MORE SODA, BAN ALL SODA’s.  No, of course not. She has enough commons sense to say well,  self accountability, Robert knew that soda could kill him.

Same goes for those two people who caused the mass shootings.  They both woke up, put there clothes on, walked out the door and did what they did.  At no time did the weapon used grab either of them and said “lets go kill some people today”

We need to stop blaming the gun/knife/plane/whatever and start putting the blame on the person committing the act.  Gun laws aren’t going to do a damn thing but punish the responsible gun owner like myself.  What we need to do is offer better mental health care. We need to teach our youth that not all blacks are gangsters, not all brown people are illegal and not all whites are racist.  Not all whites are racist?? Believe it or not, most aren’t. But you wouldn’t believe that according to the media.

Self accountability folks, it goes a long way. Stop blaming the guns, stop blaming the President, stop blaming the music, stop blaming the video games…blame the people doing the act.  And for the love of god, stop glorifying it on the news.

Best 4th of July

It’s been a while since i’ve last posted on here, but i figured today would be the best time.  In prior blogs i’ve talked about how my dad had memories of the Blackhawks with my grandpa and how I have memories of my dad. From going to the Blackhawks game at the old Chicago Stadium, to him bringing me Garbage Pail Kids home when he got off work, to him calling 1800BetsOff on me when i had a problem gambling.

Memories are worth more than money. We will always have memories, while money will run out.  Of course one could argue that Alzheimer patients lose their memory but lets not get technical here.

For many years when i would go watch the 4th of July fireworks, I looked around as people played catch with their kids, or had a mini cookout with their kids, waiting for the fireworks to start.  And for many years i could only imagine what that felt like.

Well yesterday, with my daughter on my lap, the first firework went off..then the next..then the next..  I sat there holding her and feeling her little heartbeat steady rising from the explosions.  Not only did i see the explosions in the sky, but felt an explosion of feelings as I sat there holding here.  This little 6 month hold, feeling secure with her daddy’s arms around her…just one of the many times that she will have this feeling until the day I die.

I had my family take pictues of us because i wanted her to have a keepsake of her first 4th of July fireworks.  I told myself I wanted the pictures for her because she wont have any memory of this when she gets older.  But perhaps the one that needed the memories is not her, but me.  I wanted that memory of holding my daughter for her first firework show. I wanted the memory of wanting something for so long, and finally being able to have it.

I can’t lie..as the explosion of colors lit the night sky, I sat there with my daughter in my arms, with tears in my eyes.  Her eyes fixated on the sky, not knowing that she’s giving her dad the memories he always wanted.

Just the two of us

Well, actually 5 but for the sake of this blog I’ll just say the two of us.  I’m talking about me and my kick ass little daughter who is 2 1/2 months old.  This little girl is everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. Obviously I couldn’t have this little one by myself, I owe everything to my girlfriend.  For some reason, she figured I’d be a great guy to have a child with and here we are lol. People say that she looks like me, I think she has my eyes and my ears, but she has her moms lips and nose. I can’t wait for her to be able to crawl, walk, and talk but that will come with time.  Right now i’m just taking it all in and loving every minute of it. I look at her and wonder how some parents can purposely do harm to their child? You have this innocent little person who looks to you for food, love, and of course diaper changing. How can you bring yourself to harm them? Shit, she hit her head on my chin and i almost starting crying my damn self cause i felt bad.  I love my little girl more than anything in the world. I would die for her, and best believe, I’d kill to protect her. Untitled-1

2018 the year that changed my life

These past few years have been kinda depressing. One mom had cancer, one had a heart attack, my uncle and grandpa both passed and I got divorced. 2018 though was the year that changed my life and a year that will be close to my heart.  I met by wonderful girlfriend who has brought a smile to my face that I had lost.  She showed me what it was to love again, and love her is what i do.  She not only brought a smile to my face, but she blessed me with a beautiful daughter who was born on 12/19/18.  This little girl, Sophia Kane, is the love of my life and it’s a love that I have never felt before.  I look into my daughters eyes and my heart melts.  Here I am at 39 years old, with my first child. People ask me if im tired already of changing diapers or not getting sleep.  I can honestly say no.  I love every minute of it.  Am I tired?  Sure, but this little person looks at me and I know its my job to protect and care for her.  So now we enter 2019, which is not about me, but about my daughter and my daughters mother.  2019 is about the family that I helped create.

A letter to my unborn child.

Dear ***********

Your mother is in the living room sleeping on the couch because you are making it too uncomfortable for her to sleep on the bed, guess you can say you are already being difficult. I on the other hand, am sitting here in the bedroom thinking how much my life is going to change when you finally come into this world.  I’ve stated before that I started a new chapter in the book of life when I started to date your mother, but you little girl, are going to be a whole new book.  A book that I never thought I would have in my hands.

I sit here wondering what you are going to look like.  We’ve seen ultrasound pictures, but those are just pixels on a piece of paper.  Will you have my eyes?  Will you have your moms’ lips?  Hopefully you have her hair, although your mom has already said she hopes you don’t.

When your mother said she was pregnant, I knew that my life was no longer about me, it was about you.  People have told me that I am going to spoil you, and they’re probably right, but I’m also going to be hard on you.   I’m going to be hard on you because my job is to be your father, not your friend.  You won’t understand that for probably the first 20 years of your life, but you will.

You’re coming into this world with a mom who is going to love and care for you tremendously. I know this because she already does the same with your brother and sister.  Your mom is very chill…as long as you listen. So, my advice to you is to do what your told. Cause honestly, I don’t want to hear your mom yell.

As for the other people in the family, they will love you in their own way. I’m sure your brother and sister will pick on you just as I picked on your aunts.  And I know your grandparents are going to spoil the heck out of you and it’s going to upset me when I tell them no to something and they’ll do it anyways.  But that’s ok, it their job as grandparents.

As for me, your dad.  Well…  I’m going to cheer you on as you take your first steps. I’m going to cheer you on as you ride your bike for the first time without your training wheels.  I’m going to cheer you on when you get stage fright in the school play.  I’m going to cheer you on as you walk to get your diploma.

I’m going to support you when you do a goofy volcano for a science project. I’m going to support you when you choose what career you are going to go to college for. I’m going to support you when you tell me you are in love with your boyfriend…. or girlfriend.

I’m going to love you the moment our eyes meet in the delivery room.  I’m going to love you when you draw on the wall.  I’m going to love you when you don’t get an “A” in math. I’m going to love you when you tell me you hate me as you slam your bedroom door. I’m going to love you when you start to date a boy that I disapprove of.  I know all of this because I love you more than anything in the world right now and we haven’t even met.

Love,

Dad