11/9/2015

Wow,its been awhile since I’ve posted on here.  Well let’s get started shall we?

One thing I’ve noticed with society today that was different from the 80’s or 90’s,is all the hate we have for each other.  Maybe it’s because people today have more of an outlet (internet) where their messages will be seen by more people.  Perhaps its the removal of God from schools.   For those that know me, know that I’m not the religious type but I do see a connection between the days when prayer was allowed and teachings/mentioning of the 10 commandments vs today.

I’m not working right now.  Funny being that the last time I wrote on here I was talking about my new job.  I’m not working because I’m lazy, I’m not working because sometimes my attitude is for shit.  I can blame others, but that’s not going to get me anywhere.  I’m at this point in my life because I put myself here. I have put in a million applications but i’m either over qualified or under qualified.  I just had an interview last week and I didn’t get it.  Why didn’t I get it?  The hiring person said that for the amount they were going to offer me, they know I would leave if i got offered more somewhere else. They didn’t want to waste the resources on me, just for me to up and leave.  I can’t blame them though.  So now I just wait for the next opportunity and hopefully run with it.  They say when one door closes another opens. Well I’ve been knocking on this damn door and nobody wants to answer it.

Life can be a bitch sometimes.  One day you have the world in your hands, the next day its all gone.  As I sit here at the mall using this free wifi, I look at the people around me and wounder what kind of problems each one of these people have.  One may be unemployed, one may be going through a divorce, one might be dying of cancer, while another may be suffering depression. Some may not want you to know that they suffer from depression or an illness, while others are open about it.  Some are open about it so they can try to educate the public on that condition.  Some however, are open about it so they can throw a pity party for themselves in hopes that people will feel bad for them.  As for myself, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder axis 2 back in 2002 when i was in the military. Its crazy thinking about it to be honest with you.  For almost 13 years I’ve had this, but not once have I tried to get help.  Again, this is not me wanting a pity party, and this isn’t sour grapes.  A few weeks ago I began seeing someone at the VA Clinic for these issues.  One minute I’m happy go lucky, the next tears in my eyes, the next I want to run my car off the road.  Now the last part is not a means for suicide, but rather about control.  The sad part about this, I didn’t want to go see her but my wife said I needed help.  I have lost friends, I have lost jobs because of my attitude, but I don’t want to lose my wife.  There are actions from our past that we can not change. Whether it be hurting the people we love, being an addict, causing self harm or whatever.  You can’t change the past nor should you allow the past to shape who you are today or who you can become tomorrow. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I always told my students, “your eyes are in the front of your face because you should always look ahead”.

Well I guess that’s all for now.  Don’t forget to thank a cop.

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