1/2/15

Well, it’s 9:38am.  I wanted to be at the gym at 8am.  Now I know people usually do the gym thing right after new years, but as I stated in my last post, this is not a resolution.  I want to go because of my health.  I’m diabetic and my body has been feeling like shit.  Blurry vision, back pain from the military, dizziness, vertigo, stomach issues, yada yada yada.  So now I sit here an hour and thirty eight minutes after the target time. I could use that as an excuse and just say there is always tomorrow.  But, just like me being a cubs fan and saying wait till next year, tomorrow may not come.

Before I go, I was talking to my wifey the other night about how you look back at shit and wonder how things would have played out if you did things differently.  I was a very bad gambler.  We’re talking cash my paycheck on the boat and play till you have nothing left gambling.  I owe  a lot to my sister for letting me live with her and her husband, even if my “bedroom” was a couch on their basement.  I mean really, after the service and being a corrections officer, I didn’t have shit thanks to gambling.  Believe me that shit created a lot of arguments between me, friends and family.  When I worked at Center for Alcohol and Drug Services, the clients asked if i was a recovering addict like them.  Well, yes, to a point.  Gambling was my drug.  The same uneasiness you experienced when that pipe was getting lit and then the calm serenity after you took that breath, is what I felt when i pulled that lever on the slot machine.  It wasn’t until my dad called 1800 Bets Off that I stopped.  Believe me, it wasn’t by choice.  I had to go to meetings, I had to get my picture taken at each of the casinos and I was banned for life from all casinos in Iowa and IL.  So again, I look back and think goddamn had you put that money towards your bills and not the slot machine, you’d have damn near perfect credit.  O’well, like I’ve told my students, your eyes are on your face because you are supposed to look forward…

Off to the gym I go.

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